By Mattie Stewart. 

Okay, let’s be vulnerable, people. I have been struggling.

Not just “struggling with my school work” type of struggle, but the “Why am I having to go through all of this, God?” type of struggle.

It has been problem after problem, mistake after mistake, worry after worry for the past few months. Between family issues, my relationship, my friendships, illnesses, insecurities, and anxieties, it has been a whirlwind of chaos. Usually, I can get knocked down and brush it off. No harm done, let’s just push forward.

But this time, it wasn’t like that. I have let these last few months of hardship affect me like never before. I have yelled, screamed, and cried to God, begging him to give me an answer to my question: Why? Why am I constantly given something new to worry about? Why can’t you give me a break? Why is my grandma constantly getting worse? Why is my family going through this? Why can’t I find happiness in my friendships? Why do I not feel pursued? Why do I care what this person thinks of me so much? Why aren’t I stronger? Better? More confident? Why?

After months of bitterness, sadness, anger, and confusion, I found myself reading Habakkuk. The first few verses of the book literally say, “How long, Lord, must I call for help and you do not listen or cry out to you about violence and you do not save? Why do you force me to look at injustice? Why do you tolerate wrongdoing? Oppression and violence are right in front of me” (verses two-three).

How many times have I felt like Habakkuk, wondering and questioning why God is allowing these things to happen to me? I find myself asking him why I’m even calling out for help when it feels like he isn’t listening.

But, then God gives his first answer: “Be astounded! For I am doing something in your days that you will not believe when you hear about it” (verse five). This is when he brings me to my knees. He is working in my life. He is bringing me out of this depression. He is bringing me help and comfort and peace in my time of need. But when? Why not now?

Habakkuk goes on to pray his second prayer, and he questions God (a lot like I have been doing). He asks, “Why are you silent?” Why God, why are you silent?

In chapter two, Habakkuk waits. He waits, on guard, for the Lord to respond. And when He answers, oh does he answer. He says, “Though it delays, wait for it, since it will certainly not be late” (verse three).

This is the answer to my question. We just need to wait. We wait for him to do something in our lives and time after time we become impatient.

We want to know why we are waiting for so long, but we never realize that God is waiting on us, too. He is waiting on us to trust him. He is waiting on us to surrender those family issues, the relationship problems, the friendships, the illnesses, the insecurities, and the anxieties to him. He is waiting on us to wait on him so he can do incredible things in our lives. We may not get the answer when we want it, but His promise of deliverance will come right now time, it will not be late.

So like Habakkuk, I will rejoice instead of dwell. Though new hardships are constantly arising, I will celebrate. I will cry out in thanks that I have a God who loves me and is never late. I will trust his timing and his ways.

Will it be hard? Definitely. But oh, will it be worth it.

This article was originally published on www.nsulabcm.com.